Grand Final 2006

OK so it's 7 minutes into the 1st quarter and it looks like the Swans have forgotten to take to the field. Where are they? Maybe getting Maccas for lunch??

Hang on... I see one of our players now! He just fumbled the ball in the goal square and let some poofy West Coast player tap it through for 6 points. Fuck.
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Q1 - 15 minutes in:
It seems like the Swannies have BBQ sauce or some other form of condiment all over their hands. That ball sure is slippery. We've been given 2 free kicks inside our 50 - the umpires obviously want to give us a fighting chance - but haven't been able to score more than 1 point. Oh thank christ - we just got our first goal. 19-8 West Coast.
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Quarter Time:
How many bloody easy shots at goal can we miss?! Aim for the big sticks, boys, not the little ones! I'm not worried, I know my Swannies can do this, I'm just wondering when exactly they're going to start playing. 26-10 West Coast.
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Half Time:
This is 12 kinds of bad. But they'll be OK. They just need to remember their team mates are wearing red and white - never, ever pass the ball to someone wearing blue and yellow. I know Roosy will know what to tell them at the half time break... "Play some decent footy or I'll fucking mail you back to Sydney in a thermos" might work? 55-30 West Coast.
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Three Quarter Time:
This game is giving me chest pains. We seem to have sparked up since the half time break though, my boys are actually pulling some magical plays out of nowhere. There's something about watching the Swans play that makes me want to attack their opponents and perforate their faces with a seriously spikey pair of footy boots. Grr. 70-59 West Coast.
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Full Time:
It's not losing the Grand Final that sucks so bad, it's losing it by 1 point. I could just murder someone... and I think I'd like it to be Ted-fucking-Richards. See if you can learn to play the game before next season dude. 85-84 West Coast.

Getchoo, ahuh

So everyone knows how much stupidity in advertising pisses me off... it is no surprise then that I loathe the new ad for Philadelphia cream cheese. It features the normal angels in heaven they use in all their ads (which in itself is just fucking dumb) saying these exact words:

"And you don't have to put your knees behind your ears to enjoy it!" *

Nick tried to yoink this one from me, so I should post it immediately to avoid that happening. I bring you the genius that is Toothpaste for Dinner:


* They were comparing the cheese to yoga.

Lighthearted Eskimo Joe lyrics here.

I'm not really, I've just been listening to alot of Eskimo Joe. Coincidentally Eskimo Joe have just been confirmed as one of the performers at this year's ARIA Awards (read: Grammys, but lamer) which is awesome because I have tickets to go (read: I am lame) and I haven't seen Eskimo Joe perform since they were punk teenagers at Homebake in 1999. They've also confirmed The Veronicas (meh), Keith Urban (that's more like it) and Wolfmother (fuckin' A!).

Tonight my beloved Sydney Swans beat some bunch of losers to make it into the AFL Grand Final for the 2nd year in a row. If West Coast win their match tomorrow then next week will be a replay of last year's Grand Final - hopefully to the extent that we can kick their arse AGAIN.

I had the somewhat ingenius idea the other night of buying tickets to the tennis this summer - the only event we get in Sydney is the Medibank International so I didn't have many choices but by the luck of fantastic timing I managed to get some tickets that are a MERE 5 ROWS FROM THE COURT for the Men's Final. The bad news is that Roger Federer (read: my one true love) hasn't played in that competition for many a year and usually plays the Kooyong Classic then goes straight on to the Aussie Open. The good news is that I live in hope that he will decide to play just this once and make my life complete.

Lesbian Pizza

I don't understand how marketing works sometimes.

Apparently this pizza makes you a lesbian. Watch the ad, if you have some brain cells to sacrifice.

My Heath Ledger boycott continues...

It's a shame I can't find the post where I trashed Heath Ledger, because I trashed him good. And the arseface has gone and done it again - think BEFORE you speak, you stupid numbnutted twat.

"It is his decision to play The Joker in the new Batman film The Dark Knight that has caused much interest in the industry. He says that ordinarily doing something like that would not be of interest to him. "I actually hate comic book movies, like fucking hate them, they just bore me shitless and they're just dumb."

He then went on to say something about how Chris Nolan did a really good job with Batman Begins, but I didn't feel it served my purpose to quote it here. Hey, at least I'm honest.

I need to think of something else to eat

Trying to make a move just to stay in the game

My holiday was lovely, too lovely to come home from in fact. But the real world can't be ignored, and trust me I've tried. I can't think of a single exciting thing I did on my holiday, at one point I was even helping my aunty to wash her balcony windows, but the loveliest part was that it WASN'T exciting. No one wanted anything from me except my mad squigee skillz. Here's how it went:

Saturday: Rain.
Sunday: Rain
Monday: Rain
Tuesday: Rain
Wednesday: Mental breakdown, no rain.
Thursday: Sunshine.
Friday: Sunshine. Time to leave.

Why the mental breakdown? Because I could not find the Weight Watchers meeting that was meant to be on, so I did not know what I weighed. I never, ever would have thought an inability to find a Weight Watchers meeting would cause me to throw a hissy fit, but it did. I just kind of flipped out for a bit, such is my mental dependence on a few numbers on a scale. I know, it's sick.

I'll get back to you shortly

This week has been a long and trying one, for many reasons. I feel tired, and sad, and worn out. It's just that time of year for it, I think. It's like drifting in the middle of nowhere, far enough away from Christmas that you don't remember when you last had time off work, and with enough room between you and a public holiday to swing 5 cats. I've also had enough of the sudden deaths of high profile Aussies (today it was Peter Brock). If these things really DO happen in 3's, I wonder what will happen by Sunday? (Mel and Kochie, I'm looking at you...)

So on that note, I just happen to be off on a short holiday by the beach. Here's to rejuvenation and lots of sleeping and alcohol!

In all seriousness...

Given that maybe, I don't know... 4? people actually still read this, I'm pretty sure I can say what I like without causing much trouble.
Maybe to the rest of the world Steve Irwin was just that dumb, funny, outrageous Crocodile Hunter that they could have a laugh at. "Crikey!" Yeah, he gave that impression. That over-the-top personality is what got him so much attention, that enabled him to make so much money to put into wildlife and habitat conservation. He wasn't a rich man, he wasn't living up this big fancy life and laughing all the way to the bank, he was doing everything he could to preserve that which he was passionate about. To Australia he was a national icon, a part of our identity and a great example of what being an Aussie means. He was just THERE, and he was comforting and familiar and normal. He was generous and funny and devoted to his love of animals and more than anything to his family. When he died it was in an accident - he did not take his life into his own hands, nor was he careless, and he did not deserve for it to happen. The stingray, while lethal, is not known as a predatory killer, and fatalities from its sting are extremely rare to say the least.
I've seen things written around the place that obviously show some people do not take his death seriously. Given that I'm not a relative of Steve's, or a personal friend or spokesperson this shouldn't affect me too much. It's not my job to defend him or his family, or to get upset by the remarks, but I do because it matters to me, and to alot of Aussies.

When Germaine Greer dies, I'm the first in line to speak badly of her in the papers. What a stupid bitch.

Really sad

I've linked the picture to the story on news.com.au for those who haven't heard. It's one of those things that doesn't seem real, and although it was so easy to make fun of the Crocodile Hunter, he did amazing things for this country and appeared to be a genuinely decent person. I hate it when losing a celebrity feels like losing someone you actually knew.