Look who's perfect now

Props are in order - my hot new template comes to you courtesy of LMK's giant brain.
Thank you Knitty Kitty, for catering to my every whim and making my corner of blogland so beautiful. I just have to say:

ROCK.

We're making progress

Dear Mean Guy,

I still don't have the nerve to tell you these things.

Once again:
You've made it harder for me to believe anyone who wants to spend any time with me, and not suspect their motives.
You've made it more difficult for me to see myself realistically, without seeing the disgusting fat mess that you seem to think I am.
You've made it less easy for me to think that anyone has a genuine interest in knowing me in any capacity.
You've made it harder for me to look at the progress I have made, physically and emotionally, and be proud of myself.

But for once, you haven't made these things impossible. I think I'm getting smarter.

Maybe they've reversed the order of the news to make it more exciting the longer you watch...

Sometimes I just don't understand why things happen the way they do. Like tonight, for instance, the 6 o'clock news started, and a grave faced man reported the very serious news of the day in the tone of voice that you might expect is reserved for train wrecks and terrorist attacks. The top story of the day? I don't know, something about football.

Why is a football story the most important news they could find in the previous 24 hours? Ubie has been discussing a very similar point at her blog (and apparently upsetting the locals) - who prioritises this stuff? Other things DID happen today - corrupt politicians (allegedly), the discovery of a 25 million year old shark/dinosaur/whale hybrid off our coast, people getting mugged and bashed, a man who got his teeth knocked out for having the audacity to cross the road too slowly - even some playwright I've never heard of died. Why is football more important than these things? And it's not even a good football story - Golden Boy Andrew Johns swears at a referee and could miss the rest of the season as punishment. Who cares?

And more importantly, why did someone ask the Prime Minister about it, and broadcast his lame-arse reply as though it were news? You could see it in his eyes, he was thinking "Do these people know who I am? Why are they asking me about football? I want to talk about cricket. I love you Warney!"

This fixed everything that was wrong with my day

It's all about me, again.

I just read in the census booklet that in 2001 there were 350,000 more single females aged 18 and over than males aged 18 and over. How is that fair? Like I didn't have enough to contend with already!

I'm looking in the mirror these days and not enjoying the view. Instead of seeing me minus 13kg, what I see is someone who has gained about 100kg - I think even my head got wider. Am I taking the train to Crazytown or what? Is it some weird mood that will pass, or am I always going to feel fatter than ever regardless of how much I lose? Or can I only be happy about a certain number of things at a time? Now that work is going great, do I need to find something else to whinge about? (Regular readers will know that's not a problem for me...). I was sick last week with the flu or some such crap, and spent a lot of time sleeping and unable to eat... in a surprising throwback to the good old days I started to see this sort of behaviour as a viable lifestyle choice and ingenius way to lose weight. I AM going to Crazytown, with bags of guilt and secrets to take with me.

Sometimes I just feel so unplugged.

Bring back Charles In Charge

I've had it with reality TV - sure I used to quite like it, I'd get sucked into the little dramas and "storylines" and yes, I have voted on more than one occasion. But I am having the "Loser" tattoo removed from my forehead as we speak.

Big Brother 06 has just finished last week, and I did start watching it half-heartedly in the beginning, but by the end of the 11,000,027 days they spent in the house I was ready to murder the person who thought of it. Seriously, does someone have a name, or an address for this guy?

I have declared a boycott on Big Brother, Australian Idol, Survivor, Australia's Brainiest 'anything', Torvill & Dean's skating crap, It Takes Two, Dancing With the Stars, Celebrity Overhaul, Australian Princess, X Factor, Shopping For Love, Honey We're Killing the Kids, and anything that involves finding one's true love on telly. The only thing that I MIGHT watch in future is The Biggest Loser, and that's because I think it's the only show out there that keeps exploitation to a minimum (most of the time), teaches people valuable lessons - and more importantly inspires the viewing public to improve their health.

Sometimes though, people surprise me. For weeks and weeks we were bombarded with these stupid ads telling us "Rene's Getting Married!" - 'who is Rene?' we were supposed to ask in wonderment and befuddlement. Don't tease us, Channel 10, I MUST know immediately who this person is and why I care about them! Then one day the ads changed - suddenly Yasmin was getting married, and we still didn't know who Rene was. Weeks of "teasers" continued mercilessly, dangling this obviously sterling piece of programming before us like a carrot to a donkey until finally....... the show arrived. Apparently the "show" was going to be 9 weeks of real-time matchmaking for this chick Yasmin, and the audience can vote for who she should date and blah blah blah, at the end she marries a stranger. Enthralling, right? Finally the good people of Australia grew a brain and did not tune in, and now 1 week into her "search for love", Yasmin has been ditched by Channel 10 and I guess she won't be getting married afterall. JUST LIKE THE REST OF US, HONEY.

The Guilt Hammer

Obviously I am out of ideas and have nothing of value to post. Oh, it's sweet of you to try to look surprised but really I can't see your faces from here so there's no need to be polite about it.

My Aliases

Your movie star name: Taco Shells Harry Your fashion designer name is Lauren London Your socialite name is Lozza Paris Your fly girl name is L Sco Your detective name is Dog Birrong Your barfly name is Chips Tequila Your soap opera name is Victoria Dobell Your rock star name is Chocolate Eclair Time Your Star Wars name is Laurom Sconic Your punk rock band name is The Guilt Hammer

The Amazing Meganame Generator

Maybe I'll be back with more mediocrity later.