What goes up must come down

I figured that all of my positive feelings lately would have some sort of backlash effect, and here it is.

I seem to be disappointing alot of people at the moment. I don't really think that I've pretended to be anyone that I'm not, maybe it's that they've chosen to see me a certain way and when they realise that's not the case they're getting pissed off. At any rate I am constantly feeling that my own feelings don't matter, as long as I put on a happy smile and get excited about something mundane or horrifying to me and everyone else is pleased, then things are OK.

I wish I could say "Here's the thing: I'm not OK all of the time, so don't lay a guilt trip and make out like I owe it to you to be fine. Maybe next time you could try to help instead of making it worse on purpose, or else stay completely away if you don't think you should have to help me."

The truth is that alot of the time I AM fine, but like most people there are times when I feel completely empty, and I have no idea what the point of anything is. There's a fair number of people in my life who don't understand that... so maybe I am the problem afterall.